It Doesn't Look Good

Against my better judgement I rode in the rain yesterday. After our friend Jack dumped his bike ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway we had to back track for miles. His accident was not terrible, so he manned up and rode home. Overall we rode 7 damp hours, with the last 2 in and out of rain.

Sadly we only covered about 210 miles. But there were mostly challenging roads, each one complicated by the wet conditions and the "need" to push forward.

When the rain exploded we pulled into a station in Lenoir to wait. 45 minutes sitting on a damp sidewalk watching my gear get soaked only served to swell every joint in my body with fluid. I insisted Jack ride on ahead because I knew he was in pain from his tumble. But he wouldn't hear of it. I wanted to check into the motel next to the gas station where we waited.

"I'm done. I'm so done. I can't go on anymore."

My words just lay there unaddressed. I insisted again that Jack go on ahead because he was really feeling the pain of his accident and we would catch up the next day. He just kept explaining we would all wait together.

"It is only 30 miles. We'll be there in 45 minutes."

I asked time and again if we could just go, but Jack wanted to wait, fearing for my safety in the rain. So we waited and I could feel my joints beginning go from ache to just downright pain.

It is not just riding in rain that hurts. It is being in damp, humid, wet conditions that hurts. All I wanted was a warm, dry bed. The motel beside the gas station looked ideal. But I had become so beaten down by the pain I had no fight left in me.

After waiting 45 mins we remounted and rode on. The rain came and went but for me the damage was done. I wept, then sobbed, the last 20 miles. Pulling into his driveway I knew I was in trouble. Everything hurt from my lips to my toes. I simple sat on my bike weeping until I could get inside to the bed with Highway's help.

I've been in bed now 12 hours. Getting up to the bathroom and change clothing is a nightmare from the swollen joint. But it gets worse.

I'm certain I've somehow injured my left knee and both wrists. I'll be heading to the hospital today. When I'm in so much pain from being swollen it is hard to feel an injury occurs. I just know I'm pretty fucked right now. I may have to end the trip, which simply kills my heart.

This is all my fault. One day I will learn to stop trying to appease others and DEMAND what I need. Until then I'll let others make decisions for me. When will I learn?